Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Letting Go

I'm not really sure where to begin this post since we have kept this information mostly to ourselves up until now. We were advised from the beginning not to become too emotionally involved and not to tell anybody until things were more certain, which I see now was a very good idea indeed. Six weeks ago we were unofficially matched with a 17 month old little girl with a special medical need and today we were told that her birth family decided that they would like to try to raise her. My heart is breaking over this little girl I never even knew, but amidst the pain there is also joy. I rejoice in the fact that she will be with her birth family because in a perfect world that is where every child belongs. I do hope that they will be able to provide the medical care that she needs. I know I need to let go of my worry over her care and put her little life in God's loving hands. 

I have no regrets about our decision to pursue this child even though we knew things were a little uncertain (although her birth family taking her back was the one thing I was very sure would not happen!). I am sincerely glad for the time God allowed us to imagine what our life would be like with her and for challenging us to step out of our comfort zone to obey Him. Our eyes and hearts have been forever opened to the needs of this world and this will not be an end for us. Now for the process of letting go our dreams of parenting this little one and all the life changes we were prepared to make in order to accommodate her needs.

15 comments:

Eryn said...

WOW. Lisa, I'm sure your heart is so mixed with emotions right now.

Praying for Gods clear direction for your family...Eryn

Heather said...

I am so sorry, my heart is breaking for you. Your child or children are out there and soon all of this will make sense. I have often said that this process has taught me so much about myself. I have discovered strengths & fears I never knew I had. Stay strong, and I will pray for her and her family... for health, peace and happiness. Same for you and your husband!

Rebecca said...

wow. i can only imagine what you must be going through. so bittersweet. thinking of you and sending love!!!

Janel said...

Sadly I know just how you are feeling....this is so tough, but such a reality of adoption. You are grieving for a child you never met, yet who you had cleared out a little spot in your heart for and pictured as your own. When we went through this same thing, my comfort was only in knowing that God had a very special, certain child already picked out for us, and He would lead us to the child....he has special plans for your family, and what a story you will have to tell your future child some day!

Gail said...

Praying for you, the little girl and her birth family.

Tam and Kai - NYC said...

My heart goes out to you and that little girl. Stay strong for your continued journey and as always, you have a great support group here :)

Sondra said...

I'm so sorry to hear, but in some ways like you said, what a blessing her birth family desires to take care of her as well. Praying for you guys and for God's awesome will to be revealed to you soon!

The Francis Family said...

Our hearts and prayers are with you both - connected on a shared journey. Billy and Annalise

Angie said...

Praying for you both! Love you guys dearly! I am so very proud of your efforts and love to embark on adoption. You both are true inspirations and God has a child in mind for you ;) Much love, Travis and Lisa!

Heidi and Mark said...

Lisa, I tried to leave you a comment from my blackberry but not sure that it went through...sorry if this is a repeat…

Your perspective is so lovely and so strong and I have no doubt that this will have a happy ending for you. That said, this cannot be easy and my heart and love goes out to you.

We too have had some unexpected calls from Gladney over the past month…we are awaiting news of our latest conclusion. This month has been a rollercoaster of emotion, but as we work through and digest it all we can see the amazing things the experience is having on our hearts. I’m a glass half full kind of girl…at least in public.

Sending you both lots and lots and lots of love and tons of hope for news of your child(ren) very soon.

Heidi and Mark
Heidi dot newcombe at yahoo dot com (hint hint…)

J Gutwein said...

Praying for you! Love, J

Heidi and Mark said...

Oh, Sweetie, the comment you just left on my blog brought tears to my eyes. You sound so strong but I know how I would feel if we had received the news that you got yesterday. I know you have the right perspective and that happy news is coming your way, but my heart really goes out to you right now.

You know the weird thing? For several months I have felt like our journeys were connected somehow. Never imagined the connection was going to be this!

XOXO,
Heidi

Tanya said...

I completely understand your heartache and mixed emotions. We "lost" a referral, but the outcome for our "was-to-be" son didn't end quite so well. Praising God that your little girl will be raised with people who love her. God has another child already chosen for you....He knew this from the beginning of time. Rest in the knowledge that He has it all under control and that He has the best in mind for all involved. (It's still hard, though. I know. Praying for comfort during your time of "loss").

Maribeth said...

Lisa, my heart goes out to you guys. I know this must be a roller coaster of emotions. Your perspective on this is beautiful. Despite the heartbreak for now, I trust that true joy and happiness is just around the corner for you guys. You'll be in our thoughts and prayers.
-Maribeth

Mark and Heidi said...

Yes, you inspired me to make the nitter kebbeh and the mesir wat. So yummy! The yetakelt w'et was also wonderful and complemented the mesir wat really nicely. Enjoy the rest of your weekend :)

~H